Depressive Cats Won't Jump

How did cats get down from trees before the fire service was around?

I doubt that there was an epidemic of cat corpses stranded in trees, all abandoned in oaky graves.

Does this suggest that cats would have engineered their own escape from their branchy prison?

Or does curiosity conclusively kill the cat?

Would an animal seek tree adventure so intently as to risk its own mortality?

If so is a cat in a tree engaging in a complex expression of cat consciousness? The cat cry of escapism, suicide?

How paradoxical then that in their display of angst they wont jump, only climb?

Inverted Suicide?


How inconvenient they have to do it 9 times...

Cows eat their own placenta after giving birth to their young...

Is that cannibalism?

Are cows cannibals?

Is that what the laughing cow is laughing about?

The cunning cannibal cow combination of cheese and afterbirth?

I bet those anchor cows are in on it too.

The bastards.

Cubicle Conditioning

I often wonder why the men who approach a crowded urinal move to a free cubicle only to shut the door?
A moment prior they were going to slap the chap out amongst an intimate row of men, but now they need privacy?
I shall call this cubicle conditioning; part one of observational toilet behaviour...

A Bran for spelling

More often than not we need an eye for spelling.

But when our eye fails us it can lead to some interesting discoveries:

A simple misspelling of "Brain Tumour" today created havoc.

Without the i for spelling I suddenly had an irrational fear of All Bran.

Someone should warn of this scary cereal build up as Kellogs are keeping it quiet.

Maybe for the best cereal should be Spelt, right?

Jesus Clamp

As I was walking through the church car park today I noticed that they had a sign up saying

“No parking – Clamping in Operation”

I often wonder, what would Jesus do?

Would he clamp?

I can’t imagine that at the feeding of the five thousand.

“You lot all fed?”

“Yeah..? Satisfied?”....

“Now, have you all paid and displayed?”

I suppose that’s how he got money back to pay for all the food.

Cunning Christian Clampers.

Boyvril

I just supped down a hearty cup of Bovril, each velvety gulp warming my hibernation. The novelty of dipping soft buttered bread at my desktop filled me with boyhood glee.

Beef extract extracts the boy within.

BOYvril.

Mmm...

Boy extract.

Medium Pan

I've cooked all my meals today from one trusty medium sized pan.

Breakfast Porridge - Medium Pan.

Lunch Soup - Medium Pan.

Dinner Pasta and Sauce - same medium pan.

Reliable, obedient utensils please me.